Transitions in life.

5 years ago today, I was a Design Assistant for MBI Publishing, (Quayside Publishing). I was able to get my name into a handful of books and several illustrations. It was a start, it was something I was proud of. A stepping stone that in all reality, I should have fought harder for. I was laid off due to the lack of consumers buying books. The recession comes in and slaps me in the face. I applied, I begged, I pleaded, nothing.

For a year, I was left alone, unable to pay my student loans, barley able to make rent. I applied, grudgingly, out of my field. Desperate to find something, anything, someone throw me a bone. Almost a year to the day I was hired as a Transporter for a local hospital. I was knocked down a few notches. The respect, gone. The income, really gone. The ability to find joy in my day-to-day, vanished.
Jaded from my fall from grace, I am now petrified to pursue my dreams of working in graphic design again. Waiting for another slap in the face from a romance I held so tightly. I am unable to reach as far as I should due to fear. I am now outdated in the field by 4 years. Who’s going to want me now? A graphic designer who is only a print designer seems unheard of in the market. I want to go back to school but due to my $100,000 + loans, that’s NEVER going to happen.

I have to try.

The last few years were some of the hardest I’ve ever lived through. My car was stolen, crippling my daily needs. Money came and money went. The idea of having money in savings is a luxury I can’t afford. I find myself envious of those who have cars, homes, well paying jobs, respect, and honor.

Working at the hospital has been very humbling. I’ve been put in my place and it still stings. Its one of those life events where you start to take a long hard look around. I want better for myself, for my family, for everyone around me. I’ve been so humbled that I don’t really recognize myself anymore, and I think its for the better. I am going to take my skills I’ve learned to better myself.

Every day I am going to do something that scares me, design. Word Press willing, you’ll be seeing my progress. If you have words of advice, please, hand it over. I am walking through the dark with a broken flashlight, not sure where I’m going. A helping hand would be appreciated at this stage in my life.